Hi, My name is Brandey and I have recently experienced firsthand cyber-bullying.
This is something that I never thought would happen to me. I see myself as a friendly person who gets along with most people at my school (or so I thought). This past Tuesday evening, I was browsing a popular app called Yik Yak, which I happened to do a lot. Usually, this app had funny stuff on it like jokes or dumb pick up lines, with the occasional complaining about class. However, that evening I found a post with my name on it. I was surprised at first, generally people leave out names when they post about someone; the would say "the girl in the yellow shirt" or something to that effect when talking about a specific person but no, this post blatantly said Brandey. I go to a small school and there are a few other people with my name, but spelled differently. I knew this post was specifically about not me not only because my name was spelled correctly but because it was about an ex-boyfriend of mine who attends the same university as I do who was name dropped in the same post. The initial post was somewhat harmless, it simply stated that I was not over my ex. I was angry at first because the break up happened almost a year ago and I got over it, so why can't this person?
I replied to the post, and then someone commented, "stfu SDL whore". This broke me down. Not only did they call me out on one of my failed relationships, they called out my sorority, and called me a whore. My reputation is important to me. I thought I was doing well trying to keep up a good image and in one post, I felt like my image had been shattered. It is absolutely amazing how one single word can destroy a person's sense of self-worth.
The posts did not stop there. A friend of mine had posted, "Can we just leave Brandey alone". This post received over 20 comments, some relatively good (mainly people that I know sticking up for me), and some not so good. I got called bitter because of my lack of being in a relationship, I got called out for having bad relationships after the ex in the original post, someone said that my ex did WAY better by dating his current girlfriend, and also that I have an attitude because my best friend who apparently has a bad attitude rubbed off of me. These comments kept pouring in, the one about my friend started off as "the only issue that I have with her is..." REALLY PEOPLE? Is this seriously happening? You can't just tell me your issue with me to me? Instead you have to post it where the ENTIRE university population, including faculty and staff, can read it?
Needless to say, I was hurt. I am only human. As if, I didn't already feel bad that I haven't exactly had the best track record when it comes to dating, now the whole school knows that I can't keep a relationship. Great. The morning after the posts, I had decided to stay in my room, I did not want to face the world, well the campus. I did not want to have to walk around campus, in the student center, class, and work, with people looking at me knowing that they had read or probably at least heard about what people had said about me. It didn't matter if they knew me or not, what mattered was that they knew what people had said about me. In this instance, I felt as though my voice had been taken from me and now everyone else said who they thought I was. Even though I did not want to leave my room, my only safe space, I did. I went to class, I went to the student center, and tried to go along with my day as if this did not affect me at all. It was difficult, people had started asking me how I was as a result of the situation, partially because they cared, and partially because they wanted to full gossiping story.
The support that I have received from several students, staff, and faculty members have helped tremendously.
Now, what am I going to do about this?
THIS! Talk!I am taking my voice back and I am talking. I want people to understand how their harsh words can affect other people. What happens when someone is talked about who doesn't have a strong support like I do? Well, I sure as hell do not want to find out. So, anyone and everyone who has been affected by cyber-bulling, start talking!
On another note, I personally have deleted the app and I have been told that I should encourage to do the same. I don't know if this will really help at all, the app itself is NOT the problem, it's how a select few people are using it that is. Also, I do not believe that banning Yik Yill will solve the problem, people will still talk and be vicious to other people on whatever site or app is the next big thing. All we can do is talk. Maybe someone will stop and think about what they are saying and how it can affect other people. That's all I can really hope for.
